Sunday, 29 July 2012

tomorrow landd hehe

oh you gottaa come and party... be free... in extacy ... in that energyyy..... let yourselves be free... come party with meee!!!!!!!!!! ha ha oh it will start again soon

Saturday, 28 July 2012


Hey they made me out to be such a bad person and made up so many lies!! I made this video last year.. you might as well see it now too. No point hiding it away any more

Thursday, 26 July 2012

hard life

life is hard when you cant love your child like you want to everyday. My daughter deserves all my unconditional love and protection I have for her. I just find it completely unbelievable that these people dont seem to value what we have. Our unbreakble bond. We will always pine for eachother. you could never find a sibling relationship that is closer. But we are very limited within our environment. It is like we are kept in a cage and gourped at ... the staff are nice in the centre. Though me, mum and Gracie spend every week just couped up in a room... 3 hours a week is all I get with my daughter. Because I love her that much that I ran away with Gracie, so that me and Gracie could be together. My love for my daughter and our bond can never be broken. You cannot force my child to forget me. You are just depriving my daughter. All day will she wish I was with her.. all day and every day you deprive my child by keeping her away from me...

The thing is that they dont even seem to notice or care... or both!!!

or Gracie would be with me... If they really cared for my daughter in every possible way like only I do, then they would be doing everything to keep me and Gracie together. They would be saying look what this mummy has to offer her daughter and look how much she loves her... instead they say we are still going to keep that child away from her mummy... punish the child... all the time... that is what you do to my baby girl... you deprive her... anyway... I wont go away and I wont shut up.... here is the beginning of an interview I did with Nathan a few months ago...

Monday, 23 July 2012

In Shock

To be honest I have been in shock since January 28th 2011. The day the police pinned me to the floor and threw me in a mental home. I felt like I was in some sort of a nightmare. Oh the pain in my heart from being seperated from my daughter. I was just crying constantly for days. I was that bad they had to give me 3 riazipans when usually they give patients half. That was just so I could function without crying constantly. I am some what out of the shock now, I have come to terms with this is how the system treats us.

I was shocked because I thought they would be humane and have respect for me. I have always been an excellent mummy, I was still sleeping in the same bed as my daughter when they seperated us. That pain, I know what it means when people say they are heart broken.

I was silly for listening to that man but he was telling me really scary things and I went to the police for help. They should of given me some help and not locked me away!!!

I am an educated woman with good morrals. Besides I got over the dellusion last year and have learnt many lessons. There is no reason why I cant have Gracie now. There was never any reason for them to do what they did to me.

Gracie would never ever everrr come to any harm while being in my care and that is a fact!! she is my Angel. She never did come to any harm but they talk about emotional Risk!!! the amount of damage they have done to my Angel on so many levels is unbelievable. I could not even begin to express what they have done. Everything I spent my time protecting Gracie from, they put her through. They destroyed everything, luckily my Angel has been able to see me a bit and still gets my guidance and love and she is so strong. I am so proud of my Angel she has been through so much and handled it all so bravely....

She deserves to be with her mummy, that is all she ever wants... please people sign my petition:
thank you soo much x

Tuesday, 17 July 2012

If everything was not just so black and white

I feel we are coming to the end of our hell. I dont know how it is going to happen and when, though I do feel it is coming sooon.. as it is too painful for both me and Gracie and destructive and depriving. We have this deap love, bond and connection and we pine for eachother all the time. I can feel it in her.. She knows she will never meet anyone as great as me. That is what Gracie thinks of me!! and there is no reason why she should not.

Hey it would be different if I was a bad mother, but I am not and I have made bad choices and ran away back in january 28th last year and I came back to uk from Ireland and France and I have not left the country since. I have got angry and upset in the past because they are constantly depriving my child of the best life she could ever dream of... and she knows that and she feels that... and she feels like she is just deprived and being treated unfairly and she does not understand why... but she just knows that she is the only child in the class that does not ever get to see her special mummy walk into that nursery...

no wonder she never listens much for my voice hey... she listens all the time.. she always hopes maybe one day mummy will walk in... but mummy is not even allowed to know what nursery Gracie goes to or were she lives... mummy is treated like a baddy... when mummy is the goody and wants to help the world... so why is everyone calling me bad and keeping my child from me... when I have no desire to leave and go anywhere... there is nothing dangerous going on... there is no need for them to keep us seperated...

I will be honest... Gracie was put into care because I was stupid and sent the social services an email saying about love being stronger and that they are energy steeling from me and then they went and put Gracie into care because I offered them money for my daughter.... It was half a joke... but wouldnt any good parent give anything for their child??? even their last pennies?? is that a reason to put my child in foster care????

Why do they want to deprive us?... do you think they secretly energy steel on purpose?? I think people are puppets!! they are just controlled themselves it seems... to just think and believe what they choose and not what is real!! They are also control and power mad!! they also fear for their word being tampered with!! why is this system allowed to be run like this, in a country of democracy ?????

oh its insane man!!! do people just not see how messed up our system is when dealing with people and families!!!!

When I made the video , they dont really care about us, it was around the time of the riots... and it did get me angry at them even more.... because I was one of those people who was being misstreated in every way by the system... I was a member of the publice being abused by authorities and there are many people being abused!!!!

yes you just want us to shut up and put up with it!! its not fair what they did to me... I also made black and white by micheal jackson too... I might as well make it visible to see anyways... I did most of my videos last year as you can see... cos my hair is different... i am really blond now..

Monday, 16 July 2012

please sign my petition

I just created a petition: Social services: Give me My Angel Gracie back, because I care deeply about this very important issue.
I'm trying to collect 100 signatures, and I could really use your help.
To read more about what I'm trying to do and to sign my petition, click here:
It will just take a minute!
Once you're done, please ask your friends to sign the petition as well. Grassroots campaigns succeed because people like you are willing to spread the word!

List of my blogs

The Horror Of Foster Care

Oh it was so painful for my daughter being with that foster family in the video. Oh she has been damaged so much by them. Gracie was used to being treated like a littlle Angel. I tried to confort her in our only time together in the contact room with the red couch... Then the foster family come barging in the room near the end of our contact and me and Gracie where hiding in the quilt and the boy come running in and started tickling Gracie!!! They just came and invaded our space! Gracie just burst out crying, a deap painful cry because she knew this is when they where going to take her away from me. She just carried on crying and crying and I could not comfort her. I still get so upset now even though she is not with them. I am crying now. I just feel all the pain they have inflicted upon her and it breaks me constantly. Yet I am not even there to heal that damage. I cannot even cuddle her and tell her its okay now she is home with me. They just have no idea what they have destroyed and the torture they have put my daughter through. How can they ever expect me to stop crying and stop fighting for my daughter?

But that is what they want the social services. They want me to shut up and put up with it.. Well I cant!! nothing I do is ever good enough for them. They get psychologists to write crazy reports about me.

How can they judge me like this... it is absolutely disgusting how pathetic the system is and the way they think... the obvious that they just miss constantly.. it so infuriates me how they can be so blind to the truth and so behind in their development... I feel like I am dealing with dinosaurs all around me who don't understand anything!!! then you try and tell them and they say its me who is crazy, it is me who needs 12 month therapy!!!!

I will never be happy while I am not with my daughter and any issues that I may have is because I am not with my daughter, any issues Gracie has is because she is not with her mother... no amount of therapy will ever fix that!!!!! the only thing that will help me and Gracie is being back together and allowed to enjoy each other and live the brilliant life we always do in love.

I am in good health considering. Every blow to me makes me stronger and blonder lol.. yes I am almost white now lol....

But I still cry for my child's pain often and this will never stop, I can never stop feeling that pain. Yet everyone wants me to ignore it and accept it. I cant accept the suffering and torture you put my daughter through. If I thought any of this was any good for my child then it would be different. Though I am the only person who can give her all she is used to and needs. She is used to the love of God around her and bringing her up. I brought Gracie up on Gods inspiration. I make videos on Gods inspiration...

oh so much has happened since last year. Though I am a confident person, I know that Love and God is the way. I didn't used to talk about it much, but now I will because they need to see what they are depriving my daughter of!! They say in reports I am not confident and describe me as the opposite person to who I am. This is an expert psychologist who obviously is not an expert!!! as she got me completely wrong!!! I don't care what experience or qualifications she has. She spoke to me for 4 hours and claims I have all these problems and need intense therapy... where as my mental health worker who sees me every week says I am fine and doing well!!!!!!!!

I know I am doing excellent!!!! Just because I don't fit into any of their boxes.... they try and make me fit... and when I don't they just call me crazy and insane and needing great therapy.... maybe they are just prehistoric and don't really understand anything about human nature and energy and God and how it all works!!!!

They spend too much time comparing reports to reports and analysis to result and cause and reaction (actually that is giving them too much credit ha ha!!! they spend too much time ticking boxes.... everyone doess... yeah we have progressed with technologies we are now capable of reaching great levels.   though we are meant to use the technology to better our lives and not let the technology rule our lives... just because you learnt how to use a computer and put things in nice neat rows you let it control your lifee!!!!! how about you ever being able to create a video even close to as good as mine!!!!! or my fun wall for Gracie!!! or give that love that unconditional love.... hey you might be able to tick boxes and memorise information.... and be a robot with tools..... how about being a heart and soul and care about people!!!! we matter you know.... we came on this earth by God and not by you!!! you have no right to control mine and Gracies life!!!! .... God is the only entity that will control my life... I want to help the system and help our country become a better place).. I need my baby... see its just energy steeling... it is just so unfair!!!

I have been treated like a criminal and I have not even ever hurt Gracie or she has ever been in danger with me!!! she is always safe with me... Only they never let her be with me on our own... Always people watching... for a year or more.. I actually made a lot of those videos when the riot was on... actually i was so caught up in thinking about all the corruption in the system and making my "they dont care about us vid"  that i only heard about riots after when went to Toni & Guy...

so that made me more angry.... I felt like the country was rioting for the same thing I was... So I made the videos and we should be treated properly .. we are not animals...

If a person is considered an expert to give me an accurate psychological analysis then I should be considered an expert at being a mum.. since I did it 24 hours a day since Gracie was born till the day they took her off me.

I am also an expert piano teacher cos I did it for 7 years and ran my own business!! I hired a room out in a shop... I also have a degree from The University Of Liverpool in Computer Science... so these qualifications make me eligable for some respect too?????

Or is it just that those corrupt within power will do all to make the innocent look bad!! It is just so obvious. They fear their jobs... cos I said to the police woman after she pinned me to the floor... that I will never stop fighting till she has no job... I said look in these eyes!!! I will win!!!! yes well I have not yet.. but I believe it will be soon... I trust in God and I do my best to live by him .. Amen x

....... ... how about focusing more on the fact that we all have free will and we create our realities based on love and fear depending on which choice we make in every moment. So yes my fight for this love video I did a bit more dancing and stuff because they had put me down so much in the psychological report and that they where suggesting I see Gracie only 6 times a year. They kept braking me... so that video is my comeback on every level I could think of. To show I am confident, creative and much more.

Saturday, 14 July 2012

Revenge of Love

So yes I was very upset, I was still being told horrible predictions by this crazy man, I was scared of both the police and this man. ...

A lot has happened... once I got home I made some videos... I am disgusted at the way I have been treated... tried to treat me like trash... just label me insane and unfit mother and everything is okay... well it is not okay... I was naive in trusting the police and the insane man....

The police never cared about us!!! now I understand why there are so many riots... So I made this video... I believe in love ..... so I want to do things right... I was not going to show this but what do I have to loose?? they already took my baby... I only see her once a week!!!!

they pin me down again for telling the truth!!! is it okay for the police to just be violent with us like this?? I thought it was against the law... seems that they can just do what they want, and they do and they sucseed. look at me and my life!!

police caused me most violence i ever experianced

A man was telling me insane things and it was really scary, he was telling me all sorts of predictions and getting me to sit there with him and imagine these things in my head!!! he really scared me. So I went to the police for help... what did they do to me you wonder?? on the 28th January 2011 .... A nice 28 year old mother who has a degree in computer science and tought piano for 7 years.. was a full time mum and righfully concerned about the horrific things this man was telling me....

you what they did?? I will tell you what they did!!!

They called me crazy and pinned me to the floor.. 4 police officers... and then they threw me in a mental home!!!... They squashed my head into the floor and stud on my back... they bruised all my kneck and back and arms.... then they put handcuffs on me with my hands all twisted... I was crying and saying !! how can I play the piano now?? please undo my handcuffs!! they just looked at me with evil eyes...!!!!!

that is the help I got when I went to the police.... treated like a criminal!!!!

Though it does not end there oh no!!!! now a year and a half later... I dont have my child with me!!!!

so they destroyed my life!!! I have never lived with my daughter since the day I went to the police station!!!

that is what they did to me

so I ran away... from the hospital with my daughter.... I could not sleep, breath, think without being with my baby and no fresh air... nothing... locked awayyyyyyy..... metal on the windows... no escape.... cos I went the police for help!!!!

So i ran away... from the advice of the bad man...
oh but they where not telling me this man was bad oh no!!! the people in the hospital where telling me this man was generous for buying everyone pizza... that I should not let anyone take advantage of him... that is what the staff at the mental hospital where telling me....

they pushed me closer to this crazy man... they locked me away and seperated me from my daughter... they bruised me all over my body... caused me the most hurt and pain I have ever experianced in my life... and you know what!!!! I dont have my baby... after all that!!1 what did I get from the system when I asked for help?? life destruction!!! that is what I got.