Monday, 16 July 2012

The Horror Of Foster Care

Oh it was so painful for my daughter being with that foster family in the video. Oh she has been damaged so much by them. Gracie was used to being treated like a littlle Angel. I tried to confort her in our only time together in the contact room with the red couch... Then the foster family come barging in the room near the end of our contact and me and Gracie where hiding in the quilt and the boy come running in and started tickling Gracie!!! They just came and invaded our space! Gracie just burst out crying, a deap painful cry because she knew this is when they where going to take her away from me. She just carried on crying and crying and I could not comfort her. I still get so upset now even though she is not with them. I am crying now. I just feel all the pain they have inflicted upon her and it breaks me constantly. Yet I am not even there to heal that damage. I cannot even cuddle her and tell her its okay now she is home with me. They just have no idea what they have destroyed and the torture they have put my daughter through. How can they ever expect me to stop crying and stop fighting for my daughter?

But that is what they want the social services. They want me to shut up and put up with it.. Well I cant!! nothing I do is ever good enough for them. They get psychologists to write crazy reports about me.

How can they judge me like this... it is absolutely disgusting how pathetic the system is and the way they think... the obvious that they just miss constantly.. it so infuriates me how they can be so blind to the truth and so behind in their development... I feel like I am dealing with dinosaurs all around me who don't understand anything!!! then you try and tell them and they say its me who is crazy, it is me who needs 12 month therapy!!!!

I will never be happy while I am not with my daughter and any issues that I may have is because I am not with my daughter, any issues Gracie has is because she is not with her mother... no amount of therapy will ever fix that!!!!! the only thing that will help me and Gracie is being back together and allowed to enjoy each other and live the brilliant life we always do in love.

I am in good health considering. Every blow to me makes me stronger and blonder lol.. yes I am almost white now lol....

But I still cry for my child's pain often and this will never stop, I can never stop feeling that pain. Yet everyone wants me to ignore it and accept it. I cant accept the suffering and torture you put my daughter through. If I thought any of this was any good for my child then it would be different. Though I am the only person who can give her all she is used to and needs. She is used to the love of God around her and bringing her up. I brought Gracie up on Gods inspiration. I make videos on Gods inspiration...

oh so much has happened since last year. Though I am a confident person, I know that Love and God is the way. I didn't used to talk about it much, but now I will because they need to see what they are depriving my daughter of!! They say in reports I am not confident and describe me as the opposite person to who I am. This is an expert psychologist who obviously is not an expert!!! as she got me completely wrong!!! I don't care what experience or qualifications she has. She spoke to me for 4 hours and claims I have all these problems and need intense therapy... where as my mental health worker who sees me every week says I am fine and doing well!!!!!!!!

I know I am doing excellent!!!! Just because I don't fit into any of their boxes.... they try and make me fit... and when I don't they just call me crazy and insane and needing great therapy.... maybe they are just prehistoric and don't really understand anything about human nature and energy and God and how it all works!!!!

They spend too much time comparing reports to reports and analysis to result and cause and reaction (actually that is giving them too much credit ha ha!!! they spend too much time ticking boxes.... everyone doess... yeah we have progressed with technologies we are now capable of reaching great levels.   though we are meant to use the technology to better our lives and not let the technology rule our lives... just because you learnt how to use a computer and put things in nice neat rows you let it control your lifee!!!!! how about you ever being able to create a video even close to as good as mine!!!!! or my fun wall for Gracie!!! or give that love that unconditional love.... hey you might be able to tick boxes and memorise information.... and be a robot with tools..... how about being a heart and soul and care about people!!!! we matter you know.... we came on this earth by God and not by you!!! you have no right to control mine and Gracies life!!!! .... God is the only entity that will control my life... I want to help the system and help our country become a better place).. I need my baby... see its just energy steeling... it is just so unfair!!!

I have been treated like a criminal and I have not even ever hurt Gracie or she has ever been in danger with me!!! she is always safe with me... Only they never let her be with me on our own... Always people watching... for a year or more.. I actually made a lot of those videos when the riot was on... actually i was so caught up in thinking about all the corruption in the system and making my "they dont care about us vid"  that i only heard about riots after when went to Toni & Guy...

so that made me more angry.... I felt like the country was rioting for the same thing I was... So I made the videos and we should be treated properly .. we are not animals...

If a person is considered an expert to give me an accurate psychological analysis then I should be considered an expert at being a mum.. since I did it 24 hours a day since Gracie was born till the day they took her off me.

I am also an expert piano teacher cos I did it for 7 years and ran my own business!! I hired a room out in a shop... I also have a degree from The University Of Liverpool in Computer Science... so these qualifications make me eligable for some respect too?????

Or is it just that those corrupt within power will do all to make the innocent look bad!! It is just so obvious. They fear their jobs... cos I said to the police woman after she pinned me to the floor... that I will never stop fighting till she has no job... I said look in these eyes!!! I will win!!!! yes well I have not yet.. but I believe it will be soon... I trust in God and I do my best to live by him .. Amen x

....... ... how about focusing more on the fact that we all have free will and we create our realities based on love and fear depending on which choice we make in every moment. So yes my fight for this love video I did a bit more dancing and stuff because they had put me down so much in the psychological report and that they where suggesting I see Gracie only 6 times a year. They kept braking me... so that video is my comeback on every level I could think of. To show I am confident, creative and much more.

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